First, today I want acknowledge the work of my fabulous and fearless editor, Kathryn Bianchi. Thank you for always giving me your best. You are a jewel; that Billy is one lucky fella!
This loser comes only days after Mother’s Day, as this particular loser recently surfaced from the inner crevices of my mind. Somebody actually scratched him out, and I appreciate it; otherwise I would have missed him. The loser discussed here is a simple loser that sometimes goes dismissed, but make no mistake, he/she is a loser just the same. As always, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Disrespects-His-Mother Loser
That’s right. The loser who is disrespectful to his mother cannot possibly respect you as his woman. This is one of the many loser traits that is sometimes dismissed as nothing. When we meet a man (woman), we do not always know the history of their childhood or even the details of their past. So, at times we shrug our shoulders and lay a pillow of “his mother gets on his nerves with that nagging” or “I don’t care, she doesn’t like me anyway” over the problem.
There is trouble in the water. We are living in a time where it is crucial for men to step back up to the challenge of being men (there are countless amounts who are stepping up). Our standards or definitions of respect have diminished tremendously over the years. We have all heard our parents and grandparents say, “Back in my day, you shut up when grown folks was talking,” or “These kids nowadays are too disrespectful.” Our elders are not lying or just making this stuff up for kicks and giggles. Before the age of technology, our kids were being raised by people, not television sets and video games. Kids knew not to go to school pulling guns on teachers. They would get “the beat down” at school and then get it again when they got home (and probably all the way home from every neighbor they passed who’d heard about it).
Anyway, women have been raising men the best that they know how, but there are many other influences that have begun to effect the respect level that young boys and men have for women. In most cases, if there is a positive male role model in the home with a male child, that child will respect his mother, because that man respects the child’s mother. The rap videos that disrespect women will not overpower that male figure’s example. The reality television shows and video games that portray women as sex objects will not justify that men going upside their heads, because of the male role model’s respect for women. His example is up close and personal, realistic and true, and it has the power that media outlets do not—to beat the little man’s butt!
So, now we have those men who lack that learned respect, but an engrained love and compassion within them that leads to respect for their mothers should still exist. I know that we can argue that some mothers are bad, as we are also creatures of a time when mothers are doing everything from abandoning and selling to abusing and killing their children. But does the Good Book not say, 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3). Also, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20); I know this is an obedience scripture, but the honor in all things part is relevant.
I would not be so easy to dismiss the actions of a man toward his mother. (I admit that I have been guilty of this in the past.) I am subject to human error just as his mother is or has been in the past. No matter how hard I try to never upset or disappoint my mate, the truth of the matter is that this will happen at some point. The disrespect for his mother can become disrespect for you at any time. And don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m not talking about the ignoring of mama’s demands that a mama’s boy loser succumbs to; I’m talking about the blatant disrespect of a mother. I’m talking about “Shut up, mama!” or cursing out his mother, or cursing out anything or anybody in mama’s presence.
Most women know this disrespect when they witness it, so no guide of disrespect needs to be laid out for them. We just need to begin to rate this disrespect as high on the list of things to check off for a loser.
My Story
Last Thursday, three days before Mother’s Day, I received a call from a close family member. She opened her conversation with, “Girl, let me tell you what this fool called me and said!”
I knew exactly who she was talking about when she said it, because since the two of them separated, he has been acting a plumb fool. Anyway, it was evident from the beginning of their relationship that this guy didn’t like, let alone respect, his mother. And his mother is an elderly sweet little jewel who has literally handed over her life to his children in an attempt to raise them on his behalf. He is a loser in the biggest way. (I pray that he will not always be one, but he shows signs of many of the previous losers that we have discussed.) But for whatever reason (one that may be engrained in his history), he feels that she has failed him. He feels this so strongly that she does as well. So this lady bends over backwards to make up for whatever error she has made in their past together.
So, this family member knew that her ex was disrespectful to his mother, but she tried to justify it and even understand it at times. Sometimes she would admit that he was crazy, and she had no idea why he mistreated a mother who stood in for him as she did without complaint, but with plenty of love, forgiveness, kindness, and devotion. So, she went on and ignored or accepted what she witnessed between him and his mother and went on to parent a child with him, a daughter no less.
“What did he do this time?” I responded dryly, because quite frankly his disrespect sickens me.
“Girl, he called me and told me that he needed me to drop the baby off at his sister’s house later. I said ‘OK,’ and you know what that idiot said?”
I didn’t know, but I must admit that when she told me, I was surprised. It was pure disrespect to his sixty-plus-year-old mother who was sacrificing her golden years to do the best at a job that he was choosing not to do—raise his sons.
“He said, ‘They been bugging me to get her, because they want to get all of that bitch’s grandchildren and get pictures made for her for Mother’s Day.’”
My relative said that she was speechless. Although she had been called worse by him, she couldn’t believe she actually heard those words come from his mouth in reference to his own mother. It had struck her as shocking and appalling.
I was surprised that this was the first time my relative considered that her ex’s disrespect for her had stemmed from his disrespect for his mother. But I guess we all grasp a hold of things in our own time, huh?
Afterword
There is not much to be said after a man (or woman for that matter) calls his mother the b-word. If he cannot respect the woman who bore him into the world—just on principal alone—what more can I possibly do to convince him to respect me?
My father-in-law spoke to me and my husband a few months ago after the passing of my mother-in-law. He said to me, “Ask your husband why he didn’t allow his mama to go to that nursing home when he was presented with the option.” When I looked to my husband to answer the question, my father-in-law cut me off and said, “Son, what did I say to you guys right before I headed out to work each day?” My husband looked at me with still sad eyes and said, “You boys take care of your mama—and if I don’t come back, you boys still better take care of your mama. Always love and respect your mama.”
My mother-in-law took her last breath in our home, because my husband’s father taught him a significant lesson. No matter what the situation became with his mother, he was to always love, care for, and respect her.
Don’t settle for a man who can’t even respect his mother. Demand respect for yourself by making sure he has respect for the woman who gave him life.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
18 “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, 19 then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, 20 and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Think about that…
LSW
